Posted By: Jessica on March 18, 2010

Q:

Hi,

I'm 24yrs old and have liked girls for as long as I can remember. I have never really been in a serious relationship until now. I have been dating this girl for the past 5 months, but have known her for over a year. Her and I have been keeping our relationship a secret, only because I wasn't sure how my family would react. My dad is a "bible beater" and my mom had her own hopes and dreams for me. The problem I'm having is my girl friend accidently called my mother's phone and left a message that only I should have heard. Mind you my girl friend does not have my mother's number, so this wasn't done on purpose. It was an accident, but now my parents and sister are mad at me for hiding the fact that I'm a lesbian from them. Everything has seemed to go down hill since then. My family is really close so with in a week it my extended family knew. Some of the younger generation are understanding with my decision but my older family members won't talk to me. How do I let them know this is my choice and me being a lesbian doesn't change things?

Jessica

A:

Hi Jessica,

Coming out to your family is probably one of the most difficult things
of the whole process. I know it was hard for me, but that was when I
was ready to tell my parents. In your situation, it was not the time
you decided you were ready to tell them. At this point, you can't
really do anything but let them sit with the knowledge that one of
their family members is gay. It may take them time to process
everything. I would suggest sitting down with them and explaining why
you were afraid to come out to them. But in reality, they have to be
the ones to come to terms with your homosexuality. Just continue
being you and stand strong in your sexuality. And remember that it's
hard for families because they, in a way, have to come out as well.
They have to live their lives telling others that their daughter,
niece, or granddaughter is gay. And no one can make that okay for
them except themselves. So be patient and things will work themselves
out in the end.

Good luck,
Charlie